.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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