ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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