Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
