We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
