you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
