I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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