I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
