I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
