i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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