I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
