I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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