The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
