well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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