I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
