your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
