I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
