i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All the doctor said was why
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
