so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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