good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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