there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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