new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
