I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're like the curious george of whores
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last night I used snow as a chaser
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
