So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
