don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize