I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
