I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
