dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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