I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
