Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
