Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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