You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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