I love having hate sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
