I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
