If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
