Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
