So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
