I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
