Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
