1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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