Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
