I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
