How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
