Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
