We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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