He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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