isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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