We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
