i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
