Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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