shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
