Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
