if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
