i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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