I'm so fucking centered right now
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize