I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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