So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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