would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
