Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
