Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
