she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
