The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
