just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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