dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
