so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
