worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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