I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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