the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
