After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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