I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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