I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
