im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
