The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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