my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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