I think im going to throw up on grandma
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
