I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I FOUND THE LEGS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
