Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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