The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize