i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize