i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
