I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ok first of all what the fuck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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