So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
