I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
