That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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