I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
