I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
