So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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