Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he shaved USA in his pubs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
