As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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