She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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