I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
