she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
