I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
