You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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