so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize