What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
