So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
