I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Randomize
