I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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