Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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