the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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