Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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