What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
